Burnout Is Killing Great Leaders | Josh Parnell - Ep 21

0:00I want my team to treat Limitless Leadership like it's their baby. The good news is if I as a leader can cast a clear vision and provide enough clarity and direction and expectations that allows someone to see the big picture, I've had a couple team members help me expand my own vision because of their capability, competence, and confidence. So that's when I know it is the right fit.

0:22Welcome to Downshift with my sis, Tanika Haynes. We all know as shop owners, sometimes you gotta slow down. In order to speed up. And that's what this podcast is all about. It's time to downshift. So you ready? Look, you've got the podcaster. You're professional at this stuff now. I'm trying to be. I act like it. How long have you been doing it?

0:49I can't keep up. I started, I started mine May of '23, but I, but I was doing podcasting for Christian Brothers for about 2 years before that. So you've got a formula already. I, I feel more comfortable than I did years ago, but it's still— I still kind of feel like a fish out of water at times. I hope to— I hope to get there.

1:16So let's get started. Okay, you know how this party goes. Um, yeah, just dive right in. I'm like, I'm not seasoned like you, but we want to start out trying to introduce you to the world before Limitless Leadership. Tell us who you really were, like what was going on in your life and what pushed you to come this direction? Yeah. Wow. Who I really was.

1:39If you knew me 10 years ago, you'd know that I'm not supposed to be doing what I'm doing now. I'll say that. Yeah. I mean, I was someone who would— I would feel like I would be shaking when I'm speaking in front of multiple people. I don't know that I was actually visibly physically shaking, but I'd be nervous. I mean, I'm still a little nervous, but I think it's because I care.

2:02But, you know, I really just kind of fell into the automotive industry by coincidence. A friend of mine worked at Christian Brothers Automotive at the home office, and he reached out and said there was a position opening up. And said that he thinks I might be a good fit and he asked if I was interested. And the first thing I mentioned to him was, "Hey, I'm not a car guy.

2:25I don't know what I can do at Christian Brothers." And he said it was for a training role and I would be working with, you know, I'd be training on sales and workflow and the guest experience and things that I can, you know, learn over time. And so, you know, I started in June of 2015, so a little over a decade ago.

2:48And learned a lot early on, learned a whole lot. Really, really, I didn't have the confidence in myself that I've grown into now. I also didn't feel like I was capable or even competent in the things that I was doing. And so I'm mentioning those 3 C's for a reason because even in my own coaching experience right now, even with clients I work with, we talk about the 3 C's.

3:14Are you capable? Are you competent? Are you confident? In who you are and what you do. And a lot of us struggle with this, myself included. I mean, you name any one of those 3 C's, we're likely somebody listening or watching this episode, somebody is thinking, yeah, I can use help in any one of those areas, maybe all 3 of those areas.

3:33And back then, I definitely struggled with all 3. And over the course of time and great people who were in my life who gave me a lot of grace, and the mistakes I was making and the growth I was trying to maintain and grow into, I've just been able to get comfortable being uncomfortable. And that's really what the last 10 years has been all about, like just living in a place of massive discomfort because I am naturally an introvert.

4:03I don't thrive. Me too, babe. Yeah, you are too, right? Yeah. Like people think I'm telling a story. I'm like, no, I really am. Yeah. I mean, it's like, Tanika, if you're like me, when we go to these conferences, I mean, we have fun, like it's great. And it's great to be around people who are, you know, going through and growing through the same things that we are.

4:24But afterwards, like, I have to go back to my room and just, just relax. Like, I've got to be by myself. Because it's, you know, I feel like I'm turning it on for, for hours. And it's just, it's, it's, it's draining. And I love it, but it's draining. It is. It is draining. I watched you when we were at Vision. I said, where are you?

4:46You looked at me like, mm, it's a wrap. It's a wrap. And I get it because, I mean, I'll take breaks and just go because I can't do this right now. I just cannot do this right now. And it's not a bad thing. It's a good feeling to be, you know, all the people, everybody's wonderful, but I have to go refill my tank or plug myself in or something and not use any words.

5:05Yeah. There are too many times I feel like I'm pouring from an empty cup. And the problem with that is I've learned over the years to set and more importantly, keep boundaries. Because if I don't, because I naturally want to say yes to everyone and everything. Like I want to help. I want to serve. And when I do that, I'm saying no to myself.

5:26I'm saying no to my family, to Jean Vier, to our kids. And there's been too many times that Janvier has had to remind me like, hey, like, we don't want your leftovers, you know. She's literally said that once, and that was— and the first time she said that, that was like a gut punch that I needed to hear because she said, she was like, hey, sometimes it feels like we're getting your leftovers, right?

5:45And I will not forget that. Like, I, I need— I needed her to say that, and she said it in, in the way only she can that I, I heard it and I received it. Um, but, um, but there's been times even afterwards where she's reminded me like, hey, like, you you need to shut it down, you know. I'm like, yeah, you're right, right.

6:02I, I was feeling that way, and I remember reaching out to Kim Walker actually, and she sent me a book, and I can't remember the exact name of it, but it was Your Best Yes, or maybe it's Your Best No, but it was like me saying yes to everything, everyone, answering every message immediately, immediately. And then I'd go home and just be burnt out.

6:21But I did that in the beginning of the shop, you know, when I first started running the business. I'd come home and I'd be burnt out and tired and whatnot, and I literally would tell my kids, like, "Mommy needs a timeout." Like, just, I would basically be telling them to leave me alone. I just needed, like, to cut it off. But I never thought that I was just giving them my leftovers.

6:41Yeah, I think that, you know, something that she helped me realize was that for every yes, there's a corresponding no. And I think too many times I was giving too many people my, my yes, and I was inadvertently giving my family— speaking of my family— my no. So here she is, she's coming to say hi. Is that DaBooboo? Hey girl! I will see you in a couple days.

7:07How are you? I'm good, I am so good. Good morning! I can't wait to see you. I cannot wait. We're gonna— you're gonna have so much fun, I'm telling you. I'm so excited. Yay! Well, y'all have fun. All right. Bye. Bye, honey. Bye. Y'all have fun. Love you. All right. Love you too. That was really good. I mean, so your office is at home.

7:29Yeah. But you do know how to cut it off now. You know how to just say you had to unlearn that. Like that is probably sounds like something you had to unlearn in order to be a better person for your family and in your business. Because if you just keep doing and doing and going and going and there's no kill switch, dude, you can burn yourself out.

7:48I think a lot of shop owners do that too. And I just don't want to talk about shop owners today. That's just people in general, people that like to give. Well, and you said something that's key, and that's burnout. Like, I don't know that I'll ever get burnt out because I love what I do and who I do it with. Right. But I definitely get tired.

8:05Like, I just, I get tired and I know that I need to shut it, shut it off or shut it down sometimes. We already know what to do. We've been to the trainings, paid for the coaching, learned the right way to inspect cars, build estimates, and talk to our customers. That's not the problem. The problem is consistency because some days it only works when the right person is working, and when they're not, it's a whole different shop.

8:28So now you're stuck in that cycle. You need a strong team to run a great shop, but you need a great shop to attract a strong team. Make it make sense. That's why I rock with Detect Auto. Detect Auto streamlines your service processes with automations that save time, increase maintenance sales, and improve productivity without changing your whole system. It plugs in, Guides your team through inspections, recommendations, and even customer communication.

8:54Now, that's not just based on memory or mood. That's how a shop runs. And let me tell you, I've been using it for over a year now. My ARO is up 63%. That's not new knowledge, that's just consistency. If you're tired of your shop depending on who showed up today, go check out Detect Auto, book a demo. But I, but I, you know, I struggle because I love doing it.

9:17I love what I'm doing. And so I, I, it gives me life. But at the same time, I have to recognize like, hey, Josh, if you don't take a break right now, if you don't just shut it down right now to give your mind and your body the rest it deserves, then you're not going to grow the way that you need and the way that your clients need and the way that your, the community that you're trying to build needs.

9:38So give everyone that space. Like, right now you need to just shut it down and then give yourself some time to replenish so that you're not pouring from that empty cup. Well, you know what, everything you say is just perfect. But come on, Josh, like, did you— is that in your DNA? Like, when did you hit the brick wall and you had to learn those things the hard way?

10:01Or did you— I mean, every day. I mean, I mean, like, I mean, lesson learned. Tanika, here's the thing, like, I'll say this, um, because I know, I know, like, this podcast specifically, like, your podcast, you're like, hey, let's let's ignore what social media sees. Let's ignore what, you know, like, how is it really going? And— Yeah, how's it really going? Yeah, how it's really going is it's hard.

10:24It is the hardest thing I've ever done. Like, it is— And you're building a team right now. So you got more people on your shoulders. Mm-hmm. Well, the way I look at it is, you know, Steve Jobs even said, like, at Apple, we don't hire people to tell them what to do. We hire them so they can tell us what to do.

10:39And so the people who I'm bringing on the team, I don't actually feel additional weight. I, you know, I feel a little bit of pressure because I want to make sure that I'm able to provide the things that we've discussed. And I want to make sure that I can lay out clear expectations and provide clarity and direction for them. Because we're trying to build a team and then fill their pipeline with, or fill their schedule with clients as well.

11:06And, you know, create more work. But these guys are great at what they— like, they're better than I am at these things. And so I'm like, hey, like, if anything, they're going to make my life a lot easier and it's not going to be the other way around. But the reality is this whole entrepreneurship journey over the last 3 years has been easily the hardest thing I've ever done.

11:26But I'll say this, I have to remind myself, Jean-Viet and I are— we're in a blended family. An interracial family. We are dealing with— each have ex-spouses, which means that we're co-parenting our kids. We are navigating schedules in terms of just custody arrangements. Next year, we're going to have 4 kids in 4 different schools in 2 different school districts. We also are trying to grow another business.

11:59The Bearded Brotherhood is our other business that we're trying to grow. And our kids are ages 14, 14, 12, and 9 right now. So what I'm saying, like, I should not expect things to be easy right now. That's why I just take things one day at a time because it is hard, like easily the hardest thing I've ever done. And like you said, the social media thing, you know, we do the podcast, we make the post, and we take the pretty pictures, but I really believe, like, I think some people just, tripping to really think that that's real.

12:32I mean, it's real for that moment, okay? Yeah, but that's just only a snapshot of 24 hours or whatever. And yeah, do not look at your Josh Parnell— and I'll do— I'm saying this respectfully— and think this dude's like, oh, he's a leadership, listen to him speak, he's got it all together. No, he just told us, man, it's hard. Yeah, but trust me, he said one day at a time, one minute at a time, one moment at a time.

12:56And then I don't want to forget how important— what you said was the team that you're hiring, they're just as smart, if not smarter than you, just as good, if not better than you. And that can be scary for some people because you're thinking your business is your baby and, you know, I want to be in control and I'm the leader in this Limitless Leadership.

13:18No, it sounds like you're hiring correctly. You're doing it right. Well, of course you're doing it right. You got the blueprint. Yeah. Well, I mean, and I'm figuring out as I go, but you're absolutely right. I think that when you bring on the right people, in fact, it's kind of like with communication. Like, I don't need to be in charge of anything.

13:38I don't need to be in control of anything. There's a way that I can be in control of a conversation without controlling the conversation. Just like I can be in control of my of my team or my life without controlling my team or my life. Like, I want my team to treat Limitless Leadership like it's their baby. Now, I can't expect everyone to do that because, you know, I've been working at this for years.

14:07But the good news is if I as a leader can cast a clear vision and provide enough clarity and direction and expectations that allow someone to see the big picture. The beautiful thing, Tanika, is that I've had a couple team members who help me expand my own vision because of their capability, competence, and confidence. So that's when I know it is the right fit.

14:31That's when I know like these guys on the team right now, like these are— this is the core group. Now realistically, if, you know, if just based on the way things typically go, we have 4, we have 5 people on the team right now. So me plus 4 others. Yeah. So, so me plus 4 others right now. And, uh, and technically, I mean, cause Jeanvier does, she, she's, she's had a client with Limitless Leadership now for a little over 2 years.

14:59So technically she would actually be the 6th, but, but there's, there's, there's 5 of us and then there's Jeanvier. So let's just say there's 6. Realistically, I can't expect all 6 of us to, to, to, uh, all be here a year from now. Um, but that's the hope and that's the prayer, and that's what I'm trying to work towards, is can we, can we create enough work for the company?

15:22Can we bring in enough clients? Can we build this community that we're— that we know it's gonna— it's coming? Can we build it in a way where, where this team is, is, is the foundation and stays the foundation even a year from now, 5 years from now, and beyond? Because what I do believe, and this is where I mean, you know, I'm a faith-based person and I just believe that God is working in and through this company in ways that are way greater than I could ever imagine.

15:46And I do believe that we are building a community of people, of entrepreneurs, of business owners, of shop owners, of individuals who we're all trying to figure it out together. And I'll put a bow on this here in a second, 'cause I wanna hear what you got for me. No, no, I got something for you. I wanna hear it all. Okay. Well, the thing is this.

16:12I like that you mentioned like, just because social media says one thing, trust me, and my clients know this too, because I'm quick to let them know like, look, I'm not a— I don't even call myself a leadership expert. I'm not a master of anything. I'm always a lifelong learner. I'm always going to think like a rookie. I do not have it figured out.

16:30And I don't think I'm ever going to have it figured out. But I'm going to keep on going. Through this, and I'm gonna keep on growing through this. And yeah, people are not who they post to be at all times. I say that. And dude, I just cannot wait till this kid comes in here with a shirt on. It's like, come here, Santana.

16:49And it's like, no, he just came in like almost shirtless. We don't want to see that on camera. But you said something, I don't want to miss this opportunity because, um, I don't know, something in the last couple years has me want to give everybody their flowers. Whenever I can. So he doesn't know this, but come on, come on camera. This is Josh.

17:08You remember Josh from Benji's? Hey Santana, how you doing? Good, man. How are you doing? Good. Come to the microphone and I want you to give this man his flowers, and I need you to speak up because he, he took so many notes in that class, and I was really not shocked, that's not a good word, but it touched me to watch him listen and absorb.

17:34But what I did notice, and I'm going to give him his flowers too, since he's been to that class, he has made up his bed every morning since then before he goes to work. That's amazing. In 21.75 years. I don't know without me screaming that he's made up his bed every morning. So I just wanted to say that. Do you have any words for Josh?

18:03Um, I feel like— can you hear me all right? Yes, sir. For the podcast, if you would be clear. So, uh, yeah, I definitely took a lot of good things from the leadership class, like, um, On the way home from the class, I kind of just was thinking to myself that I kind of found my purpose, like, in life. Because with the automotive shop, I'm thinking about fixing cars, getting cars in and out, money, money, money.

18:34But it's a lot bigger than that. It's about helping people. And you guys talked a lot about helping people and having that community and things like that. And that's something that she does a great job with. She knows almost everybody who walks in the door. And then my granddaddy can do the same thing, go out out somewhere, see an old customer, and then remember who exactly who they are.

18:55So, um, yeah, the community part was big for me, and I like helping people. And I didn't realize it that much until the class because I've always worked with kids since I was like 14, but I'm thinking I like the job because it's in sports, but in reality I like teaching and coaching and helping others get to where they want to be.

19:16That's amazing. Thank you for sharing that. That really just made my day. I thought you— it would be important for you to hear that. And also, as a mom, like, I would see it and it's like, this joker done made up his bed every single day since that class. And he had about 4 pages of notes. And he just— makes a difference, people.

19:39That is the commercial for Limitless Leadership. There's a 20-year-old who's had a life-changing moments within a 2-day class. So sign up. All right, so I just thought it was important for me to share that with you. Um, thank you. Probably all off subject, but before we got too deep, just let you know that the work that you're doing is amazing. And, um, the blood that you're sharing, your time, your tears— yeah, there's a lot of them.

20:10There's a lot of them. They are, um They're not in vain. Thank you. That really, it made my day. That means a lot to hear that. And that's honestly, that's what it's all about. I mean, I think when people start really understanding what leadership coaching and leadership training is, it's not necessarily about being a better professional. I mean, of course that comes with it, but it's really about being a better human, being a better contribution to society, being able to show up better, recognizing, Seitan has said this, that purpose trumps motivation.

20:43Purpose— it's, it's all about purpose. It's all about finding your why. And when the why is clear, the how is easy. And many of us don't understand how important it is to find our purpose or to find the why, to have a North Star. And that's, um, that's pretty powerful what he just shared. So I really appreciate hearing those. That just made my day because, um, I feel like we both said we're both introverts, and me finding my why now is different than what it was when the kids were 14 and 9 and the ages of your little ones.

21:15So when they start leaving the house, it was just like, what do I do with myself? And when the shop start going in a different way and, um, my coaching company is telling me, you know, hire people, get off the front desk, and I'm leaning into that and I'm doing it. And that means I'm not running around headless anymore. Um, so you're sitting there, your kids are leaving, they don't need you to pick them up from school, they've got their own cars, got their own lives, and then your employees are doing all the things that you need them to do.

21:44Everything is flowing. What do you do with yourself now? So what's my new why? So the leadership things that I've been studying and growing into and understanding what my new purpose is, it's still community-based and all of the good things, but being a better leader for my employees. I had one of my younger employees come in yesterday and he really felt that he was not doing the best job.

22:09He felt like he was emotionally getting in his way because he was having hard times with jobs. And he said, Miss Tanika, I just feel like that, you know, I don't want you guys talking about me. I'm trying, I'm working through it. And the words that flowed from me to him I tell them the God words because it's like, I, like, I just really encourage this kid.

22:30I'm watching this young man grow. He's not a kid. He's a young man. Watching this young man grow. I'm leading, you know, so I'm so much more, more than just being responsible for their paycheck and their insurance. Like, I'm wanting to help people grow. What does that look like on your end? Because I like, I know how good you are at what you're describing, and I know how important it is to ask questions and to show up for people.

22:55But I think a lot of leaders may be listening and they don't know how to show up because in their mind, like, they only know how to lead one particular way. But you know the importance of, um, showing up for people where they're— where they are. And that means you're almost kind of like being a chameleon for your team members to some degree.

23:16And it does wear me out, but I need to know who that person is. Like, it's not a number. I was talking in a meeting the other day and the guy said, I'm working a business and I knew my employee ID number and everybody knew me by employee ID number. Now people know me by my name. So I know the attitudes of this tech versus that tech versus this tech versus that tech.

23:40I do want to do a DISC assessment for everybody so I'll get to know them better. I, I asked him, I want to know what your favorite snack is. What are the kids doing? This, that, whatever. You know, in the one-on-ones, I'm trying to make a personal connection, a more personal connection. Even walking up to a toolbox and saying, what's going on with this?

23:58What's going on with that? Trying to get to know that person on a different level. So, when something pops off, when there's a situation in the shop, I know how to talk with them. Yeah, that's huge. Not to them. I know how to navigate through a hard conversation. Because we're having conversations all the time. So not the conversation isn't always about, oh, this job got messed up, you had this come back, um, and this is your check for the week.

24:24The conversations are about absolutely nothing, like Seinfeld conversations, just getting to know somebody. Yeah, yeah. And then so when the hard conversation is coming, they don't feel like that's the only thing you come to me for. Yeah, that's so good. I think it's a conversation. There's times where I can be like my dad and say, oh, this is not a conversation, I'm telling you this Sure.

24:45Because we've gotten there, but just, it's just wild, man. I can't even put it in words. I cannot put it in words. I did the, um, leadership intensive with the Institute and there was a question like I was coming up with my new why and it just poured out of me. And as it was pouring out of me, I'm just sitting there mad because I don't want to be emotional.

25:06I was like, just, I don't want to do all of this. I don't be responsible for people and pouring into people. I just want to make my money and go home. Mm-hmm. But I'm past that point in my life. I was past that point in my life a long time ago. And stepping into it is just, dude, I don't even have the words.

25:23I know I feel like I'm babbling right now, but I don't have the words. But I wish other shop owners knew that. I feel like since I've been working on leadership and the things are in place, everything's just working out for the good. Does that make sense? It makes perfect sense. And I don't have to worry about the KPIs as much because it's just we've got these operating procedures in place.

25:47Yeah, my team is, my team is trusting the process. They are part of the team. Everybody's at their own position to get the football to the end zone. This is the beautiful thing about leadership coaching and leadership training is that when the leader gets better, everyone gets better. So when you get better, Tanika, everyone gets better. Like even in our Limitless Leadership coaching that we do, The interesting thing is that 90% of our clients, their KPIs increase, like their numbers increase, but we don't really touch KPIs that often.

26:20Like what we, we get a basic fundamental foundational knowledge of, of your shop and your numbers. And just so we know, because we also want to track where things are, are going from a tangible perspective, but leadership coaching is really more intangibles that turn into tangibles. And the reason all this makes sense is because we know that when connection, that connection creates engagement and engagement increases performance because leadership is a full-time job.

26:46I mean, you're literally describing how it's turned into, like, you're focused on the people right now. And it's a lot. Like, there's a, it can be a lot to have one-on-ones and daily huddles and toolbox talks and all those types of things. It's emotionally draining at times. In the beginning, it can be. Yeah. It can be. But that's the most important part of it because you're establishing safety and trust.

27:06Like, those two things are critical in order to provide clarity and direction. We cannot provide clarity and direction if we don't have safety and trust. So even in the coaching that we do, we walk through a 3-phase process in the coaching services beginning with the discovery phase. In the discovery phase, we learn a lot about who this person is, who the— who our client is that we're working with.

27:27Why do they think the way they do? Why do they operate the way they do? Because once we understand who they are or have a better understanding of who they are, and, and, and how they are, we can then customize the next phase of the coaching because it's not cookie cutter. Like, this is a customized, personalized experience because we can then customize how we're going to coach Tanika in the action phase, which is self-leadership, self-development, and then we graduate into a team development later on.

27:51But the whole, the whole point of me sharing that is you're, you're getting into the discovery phase with your team as well because you're focusing on connection before content. On the name before the job title. It's the person before the process and the person before the profit, because the profit's going to come, but we've got to put the person first. The profit is going to come, and I wish there was something on paper to make more people realize that, because I think in the beginning when you start a business, you have to worry about that.

28:20You— bottom line, you have to worry about to pay the bills and this and whatever. And I don't know what point that you can start working more on leadership, and you just probably have to do them both at the same time. You know, like I always say, they work on your business, in your business, you work on yourself too. You got to put that in there.

28:35That comes first. And once you put that in there and then your team are trusting you and you're engaging and connecting like you said, and they can buy into the vision, the mission statement and all of that, not buy into it, they really believe that when they're coming to this job, we're going to do XYZ and we're going to do it daggone good.

28:55And I'm leaving out this shop like this. And what you're describing is engagement. Like, that, that is the missing piece I think a lot of shops are not capturing is engagement. They believe that their team is engaged, but statistically speaking, 77% of your team members are disengaged. Yeah, like they're just— they're disengaged because they don't feel recognized, which is the number one reason why people leave.

29:14Leave bad leaders, not bad jobs. They don't— there's a lack of recognition. They don't feel heard. They don't feel valued. They don't feel seen or understood or loved or cared for or respected. All these things. And that's heavy. If you're a good shop owner, it is heavy because there's moments when I feel like, I feel it's so heavy. Like, okay, am I doing this right?

29:34Um, are they trusting me? Like, do I deserve all of this? It gets heavy. Yeah, it gets really, really heavy. And I think that's the part again of being a leader and being a business owner. It's like, oh, it shouldn't— there's no emotions in fixing jobs. And no, there's no emotions in actually fixing the car. Now, facts fix cars. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Numbers don't lie.

29:58Okay. But then when you're dealing with people that are actually fixing the cars, those emotions can be important on how you, you know, how you talk to them and how you lead them or whatever. If it's the right person. If it's somebody just in there getting on your nerves and just causing chaos, they got to go. Because then again, they can mess up the whole shop.

30:15You know, everybody is not going to be that coachable team member that needs to be there. We have to, be— meet them halfway to grow. Some people are just toxic. But for the people that are there and that tried and true, tried and true, leading them is— oh my God, it's such a blessing. Well, one of the things that we talked about at the, at the training a few weeks ago was how when emotions are high, logic tends to be low.

30:39But emotional maturity is having feelings but not letting our feelings have us. Now, that's way easier said than done. Like, I myself struggle with emotional regulation. And my clients know this. Like, I'm very transparent because I want them to know that we're doing this together. We're going through this together. I'm doing this with you. And I'm not jumping on calls to tell people all the things I think they need to hear.

31:02That's— as a coach, my opinion is irrelevant. So my job as a coach, my obligation to you is to help you tap into unrecognized potential to achieve limitless results. And I can do that through the form of asking questions and helping you understand challenges that you may not be seeing or identifying right now because I'm helping you identify blind spots. I'm asking for permission to speak truth into your life because my perception is my reality and my perception may not be accurate, but I'd be remiss if I didn't share what I believe to be a blind spot in a client that I'm working with.

31:37And so when you can't see it, it's not like they don't— they don't want to do it, but they probably can't see themselves. Like, for example, me listening to my own voice on an answering machine or on this podcast, you know, I hear myself in my ears, but what do I sound like to everybody else? You hear what you're saying to your employees, but what does it sound like?

31:58What are they receiving from you? That's true. You call somebody out on something like that, that's Sneaky. Because now we're like, "Who the hell you think you're talking to?" Yeah. Well, and now we're getting into communication because you made a great point. Like there's often multiple conversations for the one that's actually occurring. There's the conversation that I'm having with you. There's one that you're having with me.

32:18There's the one that I think that we're having and the one that you think that we're having. That's why the greatest misconception about communication is the fact that it's actually happening. And when I let shop owners know that poor communication is costing your business 18% of total salaries paid out on an annual basis, and it's also causing you to lose 7.47 hours of lost time per week.

32:41That's huge. Like, that, that alone should be the stat that people are saying, that's why I need leadership coaching. Like, that's why I need leadership training. It's, it's a huge number. And, and, and that's, that's also why we see, uh, a connection start to be the focus. Engaged team members start start happening and then the increase in performance follows suit because engaged team members perform significantly better.

33:06For sure. I mean, then they can see, oh, look, boss lady's working on herself. She's just not out here in the streets chilling. Yeah. When they're bought in because like engagement— I'mma buy in a little bit more. Okay. Okay. She might not have it right, but she's trying. And the same thing for the employees. Okay. He might didn't do it right, but he was trying.

33:26Mm-hmm. So here's the thing. Learning about leadership and all that stuff and being at the top, we— you don't want to say you're at the top, but you're at the top of the totem pole, right? It's isolating. It feels like it. It feels like you're on an island. And that's also why I think it's important that every— because you also mentioned this a few minutes ago too, Tanika, where it can be draining.

33:48It feels like there's just— it's heavy. This is why I think every business owner needs to have a coach as well. I have my own coach. I was going to say, do you have a coach? I have a coach. Your wife, because I know she's a counselor as well, but you've got somebody directing you as well? I'm currently working with my own leadership coach.

34:06I'm currently working with a counselor. I'm also working with a writing coach because I'm writing my second book right now. Okay. And I'm married to a counselor too. So, yeah, and I— so she's great at it. But, um, I think it's important that, that, that I have people in my life who I trust, who I feel safe with, who can provide clarity and direction on things that I don't see.

34:26They can provide blind spots, or they can make me identify my blind spots. I found my coach through— when I released my first book, it was in January of 2024. And this guy, his name is Jon Kidwell. Jon was also releasing his book, I think a few weeks after mine. And so somebody from his team reached out and suggested that he be a guest on the podcast.

34:51Well, we hit it off. And He actually does the same type of work that I do. And I said, you know, what if I just hired John as my coach? Because I was moving from a different coach and I was looking for a new one. And I was like, what if I just hired John as my coach? John's in Houston as well.

35:05And that's where I'm at. And so I've been working with John now for a little over a year. And he's been great. And the thing is, like, we do the same work, but he's always able to help me see things that maybe I'm not considering. There's perspectives that he's sharing, there's ideas that he's presenting. He's asking the right questions that help me think differently, think outside the box.

35:27And I also enjoy working with someone who does my kind of work because I get to see how he does it in comparison to how I do it. And I'm not drawing a comparison for the sake of like figuring out— How do I word this? Am I just as good as him? Am I doing a better job? It's like a competition. That's right, because comparison— like, when I love cooking, like, I know I can cook, but there's nothing wrong with picking up a cookbook and seeing, oh, absolutely, yeah, in this recipe, let me try it.

35:56Like, that's what I try to do with shop owners, the same thing. Like, dude, like, coaching is— oh, I know everything. You don't know everything. Yeah, if you do everything, you might get a different perspective on it that might change your life. Over the years, Tanika, the more I've learned from coaches and counselors and people who, who have these professional help that they can provide, the more I've learned, the more I realized how much I actually don't know.

36:20Like, you know, I learned more and then I realized there's so much more that I actually don't know. And that's why I think I'm probably always going to have a coach. I'm always going to have a coach and probably a counselor too. I mean, when I first got into counseling, I worked with a counselor before I hired a coach. And this was probably 8 years ago or so.

36:37And I was doing really well professionally. I was thriving at Christian Brothers. But personally, I was struggling. I'd just gone through a divorce. I was struggling and really struggling with navigating my mindset and recognizing that our thoughts dictate feelings, our feelings dictate actions, and our actions dictate results. And I was not achieving the results that I felt like I was destined to achieve.

36:59And it got to a point where I said, you know what, I can't, like, I need help. But I was saying, I can't afford a counselor because I wasn't budgeting for it. Finally, it got even worse to where I'm like, "I've got to get help." So I interviewed 3 different counselors, well, technically 4 different counselors before I found the one that I wanted to work with.

37:18My fourth person, 'cause it's an interview for us as well. Like when you think about, if you're considering working with a coach or a counselor, always interview them. Like always go through this process to identify, does this person make me feel safe? Do I trust this person? Because once I found that person, then I was able to fully let go, for lack of better terms, and I was able to receive the clarity and direction and the guidance and the counseling and suggestions from this counselor.

37:47I worked with this counselor for over 2 years, and he really helped me tremendously. Now I feel like I use counseling almost like a— like preventative maintenance. It's like an oil change, you know, like I know I need counseling, and I feel like I'm doing good, but there's always opportunities that I can be made aware of. And, um, and that's to me, that's why I'm probably always going to have a counselor.

38:08I will likely always be working with some type of coach as well. That is so smart because we spend so much time worried about customers, worried about our employees. But if you don't have anybody that's pouring back into your cup, like you're a religious person, so you know, who's pouring into you as a leader? Like you, you're getting your counseling for the other shop owners, for myself.

38:29Who's pouring into you? Like, I've got my coaching company, but that's all about numbers and KPIs. So I'm actually asking myself, self, huh? Right now for me, it's nobody. And that's kind of scary. It's important to me, even as, as a, as a business owner who's trying to scale a small company right now, like it's, I mean, we're on the ground floor of something that we know can can really take off and make a great impact in the industry.

38:55But even for our team members, we have a blue to black budget. And blue to black is this concept that the sky is not the limit. Like, the sky is our starting point, it's our launch pad. So we're going to go from blue to black. We're going to go from the blue sky to this rare air, this like deep space, this black.

39:11And that's, that's the name of the second book as well. It's called Blue to Black. But we have a blue to black budget because every one of our team members also has allocations set aside for their own coaching, counseling, physical, uh, like if we want— if someone wants a personal trainer, they want to get like physically fit. So we're working on leveling up spiritually, physically, emotionally, academically, and financially.

39:32So if there's anything out there, a conference, books, anything that requires some type of transaction like a monetary transaction to better yourself spiritually, physically, emotionally, academically, or financially, we have a budget for that. With Limitless Leadership is the blue to black budget because it's important that we're all getting coached and having someone exterior of ourself and our spouses pouring into us, people who are professionals at this to pour into us.

40:01So when you work with someone from Limitless Leadership, you're not just working with someone who would consider themself to be like this expert or master of anything. We're always working on ourself. We're always thinking like a rookie. Yeah, I think shop owners, myself included, need a budget for that too. Like, it's important. Yeah, mental health, physical health. Um, I understand that this industry has a very high suicide rate, and as long as I've been in it, I've never heard of it until this past year.

40:29Why is that not being spoken upon? So I'm so glad you're bringing this, this topic to light, because this is also why, um, you know, Jeanvier She— so she's technically a former licensed professional counselor. So she's in the middle of getting her certification again to get licensed again, because that's one of the next announcements we're gonna be making with Limitless Leadership is bringing a— bringing counseling to an industry that so desperately needs it.

40:53Because I looked at numbers, I think, 3 days ago, and technician suicide rates amongst trades are like in the top 3. Like, the numbers are astronomical. It's really sad. And this is why I think that, you know, we as a community have been called to be a light in a dark industry. Right. The reality is like, this is a tough industry. It's a grind, long hours, a lot of moving pieces.

41:26It's challenging to do the work that these guys are so great at doing. And I don't even wanna say that, I shouldn't even say we, because you know, I'm not in a shop. I don't work in a shop, I have the opportunity to serve this incredible industry and I have such a high respect for everyone who's working in a shop and navigating customers on a daily basis and leading people on a daily basis, managing process on a daily— there's so much that goes into it.

41:49And I don't think that this industry gets the credit it deserves. And pair all of that with the fact that suicide rates are amongst the highest of any profession. That's scary. And so I think being able to, you know, being able to show up for people, um, in a, in a better way, not just professionally but like mentally, how are you, how are you improving yourself?

42:12So when we talk about leveling up, I mentioned spiritually, physically, emotionally, academically, and financially. Emotional, emotional level up is, are you working on your emotional regulation? Are you getting help, professional help, from a counselor, from a therapist, from someone who is helping you regulate your emotions. Maybe it's the pause, process, and pivot moment or a concept where you understand the importance of, "I need to take a breath right now.

42:41Like my emotions are high, which means my logic is likely low. I'm going to pause, physically remove myself from the situation if possible, take a breath, start questioning the thing— the thoughts I'm having and processing the thoughts I'm having because one of the greatest mistakes any of us can make is assuming all of our thoughts are actually true. So if I can start questioning these things, it gives me a new perspective.

43:03I'm processing. I get a new perspective. And with perspective, the way that I view things drives the way that I do things. Now I can pivot accordingly because I've chosen to regulate my emotions at a healthy level. And think about if we do this every single time with the customers that we're serving with our team members that we're leading, imagine how different our communication and our culture would be in our shop.

43:26And imagine how low your blood pressure could possibly be. Yeah. Lower your blood pressure, lower your stress level. Just like, stop. Um, with my kids, I used to call it, they would get upset and I'm like, okay, walk. Mommy's gonna walk away. Like, just walk away. I say it now, just walk away and figure it out. Like you said, pivot. It's very important.

43:43Very important. But I think The work that you're doing is very important in the industry. I would pray that my brothers and sisters would take care of themselves more, find a safe place, find a safe person to speak with and connect and have somebody that actually is poured into you as well. Because we're— it's a masculine industry. You got cars and engines and gas and I'm not supposed to be sad or upset.

44:14I'm supposed to be able to handle it, right? I got this. I'm supposed to be going home and being masculine and providing for my family. I've got this. But some people don't go home to a soft space with, you know, they go home screaming kids and they are at the shop at 9 o'clock, 10 o'clock at night and the wife doesn't understand because she's been at home with the kids and they just don't know how to ask for help.

44:33So if— here's the big question— if somebody needed that kind of help from you, or how are you available to them? Like, how do we get in contact with Josh? Yeah, the first thing to do is go to LimitlessLeadership.co, and you can book a discovery call with me. Um, I'm quick to let everyone know that our coaching sometimes feels like life coaching.

44:57It might feel like counseling. Um, you know, legally I'm not a licensed counselor, but there's some mindset work that we do. Uh, we, we dive into the leadership mindset Vulnerability is not a weakness. It's a strength. And especially in a masculine industry, a male-dominated industry. You know, I served in the military and, you know, it was the Air Force. Some of you might call it the chair force, but still it was the military.

45:21And I was around a lot of masculine energy in a male-dominated career that I was in, which is security forces, which is military police. And a lot of this type of bravado, like it was the same thing I was accustomed to back then. It's, I think, helped me thrive in an environment in this industry as well. But when I introduce vulnerability to someone and I help them recognize the importance of regulating our emotions and letting them know that it's okay to have these emotions, it's healthy, it's necessary to have these emotions, don't run from them, let's unpack them, let's dissect them.

45:55So that's why some of the— sometimes the calls, yeah, it's leadership coaching. It's gonna feel like some life coaching. It's gonna feel like some mindset coaching or some counseling at times. But to directly answer your question, Tanika, I would say go to limitlessleadership.co. You can book a discovery call with me from that website and then just find out if we're a good fit for each other.

46:14Um, you know, there's plenty of, um, prospective clients who have reached out to me. We've talked and I've even directed them to somebody else because I don't— I want to make sure that ultimately you're taken care of, that someone in this industry is serving you well. And if I don't think it's me, I'm going to let you know. And, um, so So that's the, that's the quickest way to connect with me is go to limitlessleadership.co and book a discovery call.

46:37If you— how can we help each other? Like if I knew or somebody listening knew a shop owner that was stuck or overwhelmed, what is, what is something that we can do as a community without signing up or visiting a website or making an 800 number call? What can we do for them? To help? Yeah, the first thing to do is make yourself available, um, and that means you need to verbalize that you're available.

47:04Um, you know, I, I will randomly, um, on occasion just post on social media something to the effect of, hey, someone right now, someone today is feeling stuck in an area of their life. Someone may be feeling less capable, less competent, less confident in an area of their life. I want you to know that I'm here, I'm available. So feel free to reach out to me, and I dropped my number in there.

47:27I'll share my number on this podcast. It's 713-898-9636. You can also reach me at josh@limitlessleadership.co. But the main thing is I want people to know that you're not alone. It is okay to not be okay. It's not okay to stay there, and there are people out there who like yourself, like, like me, a lot of great folks in this industry who are more than happy, more than willing to help because we want this.

47:57Don't ever feel like you're a burden. This is a blessing. Like, it's not an inconvenience. This is an opportunity. So, um, I, I want people to know that this is not an easy industry to, um, to thrive in from an emotional standpoint because there's always something. It always feels like there's something going on, and it's like when it rains, it pours. Or we can say, you know what, Tanika, when it rains look for rainbows.

48:21Like, there are opportunities in everything, and not every day is going to be a good day, but we can still find the good in every day. And my hope is that people recognize there are people out there who are ready, who are more than willing, who are happy to connect with you if you just reach out. That's me too. I know, like, we both said that we're introverts and we do get burned out, but we know that and we know how to fix that.

48:42So if you need me, Facebook inbox, please reach out because Life is short, but it is beautiful, and you are worth being here, all my brothers and sisters. Yeah, well, Josh, this was really, really good. I'm so glad to get to speak with you, and I get to hang out with your wife next week. We're going to Montana. She can't wait. So much fun.

49:02I love having you a part of our community. Um, hopefully my podcast will be just as cool as yours one day. I think it's already cooler. You think it's cooler? Whatever, man, whatever. We're trying. We're going to keep moving forward. And we're gonna be the buffalo. That's it. That's it. Be the buffalo. If you know, you know. If you know, you know.

49:19If you don't, get in one of those leadership classes and you'll— that's right, you'll get it. That's right. All right, thank you so much for joining me tonight— today— thanks— this morning, whatever it is. Downshift with Tanika is where we slow down long enough to have real conversations, hosted by myself, second generation shop owner Tanika Haynes. This goes beyond your car count, your KPIs.

49:42We want to talk about leadership, legacy, mindset, and the messy, beautiful journey of building something that lasts. You will hear stories from shop owners, technicians, and other industry leaders who are figuring it all out by themselves in real time. This is a space for growth, tough love, laughter, and leveling up.